I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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