I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
