the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
