just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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