You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
