And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
