Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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