Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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