I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
