With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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