i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
