I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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