Betty ford says i'm here all night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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