mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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