the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I could fuck to npr.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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