You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
