look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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