just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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