I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
