Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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