my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
