then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
