wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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