Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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