jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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