I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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