there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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