Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
