I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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