Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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