I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
