So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
