his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
