she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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