I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
