Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
