lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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