I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
