I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
