Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You pole danced in your parka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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