She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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