I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
