Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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