How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
