I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
