Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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