In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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