my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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