Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cannot find my penis.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
