I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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