My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
