I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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