Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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