If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's blow job season.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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