I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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