my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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