How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to make out with him forever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
