I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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