remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
