i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
