Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
