He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
