Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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