I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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