2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
