You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
