He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
