My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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