I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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